The new year is upon us, and with New Years often comes New Years resolutions. We all make promises to ourselves to become better versions of who we currently are, and most of us take off to a great start. Slowly but surely, too often, we find ourselves slipping back into our old ways - the very things we were trying to be free of. so then....
Why don't my New Years resolutions stick?
Often times our resolutions don't stick because either our motivation for making change is not congruent with our soul's desire, or our unconscious programming is far too strong and overrides any commitments we have made to changing.
So how do you know if your motivation for making the change is right? Ask yourself why you want to make the change and listen carefully to the words you use in your response. If your response involves the words 'I should' or 'I need' - then often times our motivation for making the change is tied to other peoples opinions or judgements of us. In this instance the changes wont last because we dont want to actually make the change, we just think we should or want to show people we can. If our response sounds something like 'I want' or 'I deserve' then often times this change is tied to our soul's desire. eg why do I want to quit smoking?
a/ 'I should be taking better care of myself' - what we believe other people/society thinks we should do.
b/ 'I want to be healthier and find constructive ways to manage my stress' - what our soul desires.
If we have identified that our motivation for making the change is connected to our soul's desire but we still manage to stray from our resolution, then this may be a result of unconscious programming. If we have spent the majority of our life watching other people smoke around us, and we used to play grown ups by pretending to smoke when we were young, and we have used smoking as a way to manage our stress, bond with other people, and take a time out of our busy schedule to "catch" our breath, then one day/week/month of seeing the benefits of not smoking will not be strong enough to withstand a whole lifetime of seeing the benefits of smoking.
In this instance we need to re-wire our internal and unconscious programming - our feelings, thoughts, beliefs and behaviours surrounding smoking and what it does for or to us. The key to overcoming unconscious programming is making the unconscious conscious - eg becoming aware of the feelings that lead us to select a cigarette, the thoughts that make us want or smoke a cigarette, the beliefs around why we should have a cigarette, and the behaviours that lead us to smoking the cigarette.
This can be done by having a pen and paper handy each day. When you have that first inkling to have a cigarette identify the feeling or emotion that was present when you first thought of smoking (I got angry when the dog peed on the carpet). Then identify the thought linked to smoking the cigarette (I'll have a smoke and calm down then come back and clean it up). Then identify the beliefs around why you should smoke (I believe stepping outside to smoke will stop me from getting angry at the dog). Then identify the behaviours around smoking (Stepping away from the trigger helps me to calm down and collect myself so I don't lash out at the ones I love). Once you know your programs you can create new ones - you can stop yourself at each step of this process and decide to change the script. Instead of stepping outside to have a smoke, you could step outside and talk 10 deep calming breaths before returning to clean up the mess. If you commit to doing this for 21 days straight you will be working on creating new neural pathways or thought patterns to keep you committed to stop smoking that will help override the old thought patterns that keep you committed to smoking.
A great resource for rewiring your brain is Dr Joe Dispenza's book: Breaking the habit of being yourself. This book explains the science of our brain, the way our unconscious mind develops our programs and also provides practical steps to help overcome or rewire those programs. This book is available on Audible and is free when you sign up for the two-month free trial. It is also available on Amazon through Kindle for $4.06 so you can download to your phone and read it, or available in store at Big W for $16 for a hard copy.
So start today - Change your life by changing your mind (quite literally).
